Yah-hoo-duh!

I love the number 4! There are 4 children in my direct family, my husband wore it on all of his jerseys during his soccer days, it's now a part of my name, and its the birth placement of my son's namesake - the fourth baby conceived and delivered by Jacob's wife, Leah, following Reubon, Simeon, and Levi: JUDAH!

The title of this post is the phonetic spelling of the biblical pronunciation of his name. Yah-hoo-duh! Pretty joyful and triumphant, right? It matches the meaning behind the title as well. 'Judah' means, "I will praise the Lord!" How did Leah's 4th baby come by this name? Through the change of a wounded heart.

If you are familiar with the Bible, you will know the story of Jacob, and the two sisters Leah and Rachel. Rachel, the beautiful, beloved, and also younger sister, caught the eye of Jacob. He worked for her for 7 years, but at the end of his labor, not Rachel, but the elder daughter Leah, was given to Jacob in marriage. Jacob then worked another 7 years for the second daughter Rachel, who he had loved and desired from the start. Because Leah was not loved by Jacob, God took pity on her and opened her womb and gave her many sons. These baby boys were each anticipated by their mother as the ticket to winning the affirmation and acceptance of her husband. It says in Genesis 29 that Leah prayed that her first born son, Reuben, would cause Jacob to love her. When this did not happen, she named her second son, Simeon, saying, “Because the Lord has heard that I am hated, he has given me this son also.” Her third son, Levi, she hoped would cause Jacob to become attached to her, but she was disappointed again.

The fourth time around though, things were different. Judah was born and Leah was loved.

I went into the birth center to confirm a suspicion about a breech baby with an ultrasound. I didn't have an appointment scheduled, it was more of a last minute thing that I wanted to make happen before the holidays and his due date hit. My wonderful midwife, Angie, did the ultrasound and my suspicions ended up being wrong! He was head down and ready to go. I was getting ready to leave when Angela pulled me to the back room to listen to the baby's heart rate on the monitor, just as routine.

She couldn't find it at first, and then thought she was getting his heart beat mixed up with mine. She continued to search and then realized that what should have been around 130 BPM was actually 70. My baby's heart rate was decelerating. The midwives called EMS, put me on oxygen, and inserted an IV. While laying on the bed, waiting for the ambulance, I felt a desire as a first time mother and notorious worrier to cry, but the impulse never came. I described it to Hunter later as an assurance from the Spirit in the form of a prayer from my heart. My precious baby could quietly come and go from this earth with not so much as a cry escaping into the open air, but his significance as a creation and son of God would be no less diminished. I sank into that peace and let go of all expectations of holding him as a live baby.

How many of you have told someone who loves you that they can't help you? Bad habits, personal insecurities, damaging beliefs - these are all things that Hunter has made an effort to encourage and help me through, but he gets blocked with something along the lines of, "that's just something I've gotta work through on my own." If you have, think about why you believed this. What were the reasons behind why you thought you were the only one who could fix those problems, whatever they were, and I will continue my story of Yahooduh's birth.

Our baby came into the world, alive and healthy on December 16th, 2017. He was delivered via caesarean section, and his cry was minimal but strong. We strapped him into his car seat and headed home with Fernando Ortega playing and the heat on high. I sat in the back with Judah, watching him wince and grimace at the patches of sunlight that would shine on his eyes as we drove beneath the trees. I was shaking with tears while the lines,

"How deep the Father's love for us

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure..."

brought a new comprehension of how profound and overwhelming their truth is.

At the risk of going off on a biblical rabbit trail, I want to tie in one more story - that of the two sons. This parable describes two kinds of people. Those who reject the love of the Father and so miss out on it, and those who believe that they can earn it, and therefore, also miss out. I am talking about the classic prodigal, who left home and wasted his inheritance, returning remorseful, but nonetheless hopeful that he would be welcomed as a servant in his Father's house at the most. I never related to this son, but I think I am much more like the older brother, who found his father's acceptance of his younger brother and the reestablishment of his place and title in the house as a son, to be a slap in the face.

This is what he said:

‘Look, these many years I have slaved for you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’

Emphasis on the word slave. When you understand grace, you are free of every obligation to perform. You remain and work in your Father's house, because He and His love is the sole source of joy in your life. Hunter and I listened to a Tim Keller sermon on this the first night that we were home with Judah. The tears had returned by the closing prayer, and I cried to Hunter, "I feel like this is what you've been trying to tell me ever since we started dating! Every time we talked about one of my problem's that only I could fix, this was what you were trying to explain to me!" Hunter just smiled and said, "It's just the Gospel, Hon."

Leah never received the affirmation from Jacob that she craved, but her victory came with her 4th child when she stopped striving to find identity in anything other than God's love for her. She announced this with the delivery of her son, Judah, "I will praise the Lord!" and then, it is said, she ceased bearing. I like to see it as, she ceased laboring. Double meaning and pun both intended.

Merry Christmas everyone, I hope the truth and potency of this song resonates with each of you.

How deep the Father's love for us How vast beyond all measure That He should give His only Son To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss The Father turns His face away As wounds which mar the Chosen One Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross My sin upon His shoulders Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there Until it was accomplished His dying breath has brought me life I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything No gifts, no power, no wisdom But I will boast in Jesus Christ His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer But this I know with all my heart His wounds have paid my ransom.