She's a snowflake

Hunter and I cut out some paper snowflakes a few days ago. I'm staring at them right now, taped to the window above my desk. I've always thought that the uniqueness of each snowflake was a miracle in and of itself. Thinking about the Arctic and all of the snow that's fallen since before I was ever even born is mind blowing. How could something so small take so many different forms? Looking at our paper renditions just now made me think about the unique beauties in my own life, more specifically, the incredible women who I've met and formed relationships with.

Within my family alone, biological and in law, I'm surrounded by talent, intelligence, and don't get me started on physical attractiveness. Photographers, writers, self-made entrepreneurs, crazy-committed mommas, chefs, ballerinas, and all around bad-mamma-jammas, just to name a few. Every conversation and experience I have with my mommas, my sisters, and even nieces, sheds more light onto the areas in my life that I want to work on.

This used to be a really bad thing. I'd get so deflated after an in depth conversation with one of them thinking, "geez. This standard of living is way out of my depth." I'm sure I'm not the only one who's experienced this. In fact I know I'm not. People naturally take in their surroundings and then estimate where they fit on the spectrum of worst to best. Isn't it crazy to think that how content you are with yourself could be based off of where you're sitting? Or eating? Or standing in line? Or walking? Or even, in this day and age, what you're watching?

This has caused me to be constantly whip-lashed between feeling alright about Emily to thinking it's the worst curse in world, ever since I was old enough to be self aware. There are a few ladies in my life who are pretty dang confident, and my hat is off to them, but the bulk of people out there, being surrounded by talent and beauty can be more discouraging than inspiring. Our natural tendency is to either shrink into the corner thinking that there's not enough room for the teensy talent you might have to offer, or, if you're competitive like me, you try to one-up the gifts on display.

I'm so tired of hearing that everyone is uniquely beautiful and special in their own way. I was the little girl that, when told something along those lines by my mother, would think, "Ok. Maybe. But I don't like my version of unique and beautiful. I like hers!" To be fair, that saying is very true. Everyone has something to offer and everyone really is a masterpiece that can be compared to none other. They are the only version of themselves so they alone can do and be the person that they were created to be. But that's of little comfort to a seventeen year old girl with a scarred-up, acne ridden face, and a complex about not having any talents due to an A+ student/painter/pianist/gorgeous big sister. Who, me?

How many of you have seen one single, tiny snowflake in all of its glory, with every detail shining through, no special equipment/cameras/photos allowed? Just you, outside, mouth open, staring into a flurried sky, looking at each flake float down. Not a one. I know, because I've got 20/20 vision and it's humanly impossible to appreciate every small detail of a single snowflake by yourself. What really makes you gasp is when you open your curtains in the morning and look out the window to see a fresh fallen blanket of snow. Is there any better feeling? It's like the world is reborn when that happens!

Funny how the real beauty, for finite humans as ourselves, can't be fully appreciated until there are hundreds of millions of flakes all tucked closely together. So closely that you can't even tell them apart.

Humans are a lot like this. Plentiful and unique. But unfortunately, instead of looking at the mass as one beautiful thing, we choose to use the snowflakes we are surrounded by to measure our own beauty.

I don't feel so terrible spending time with my artistic friends and family any more, or listening to a brilliant individual speak on a podcast, or going to the gym and swinging a dumb bell next to someone who I'm half certain is a retired model. Instead of walking away and hanging my head in shame, I lean in a little more closely to see the details in their work, I turn the volume up to catch every single word, and I check my form and watch my breath like my new model friend does to make sure I don't hurt my back. I can learn from and benefit from the beautiful snowflakes in my life. I get better as they get better and the more I think about it, and if I squint my eyes really really really hard, you can't tell that much of a difference between the talented, gorgeous people in my life and me.

I think I'm ok with this perspective now for a few reasons. The first being that I got tired of being miserable. Despite how often we tell ourselves otherwise, wallowing in self pity about the "cards" we are dealt in this life doesn't do anything but drag us even deeper into the place we don't want to be. The other reason is that I realized one day all of my little details, the good things that I feel are sometimes out shadowed or covered up by other snowflakes, will be fully seen and enhanced. Not that those details will really matter on that day. My beauty and gifts won't be about me. In fact they aren't about me right now, although I definitely feel like they are. But to be complete and whole will absolutely feel nice.

Thanksgiving is in just two days! If you're feeling low about who you are or what you've accomplished, I hope that you will take some time to look at your life and pick out the good gifts in it. But in regards to who you are, personally, no matter how small your detail work may seem, or how "covered up" you may feel from other snowflakes, you can always remember and take comfort in this: you are a part of a bigger picture and a very beautiful one at that.