Why you should care about what others think of you.

I've found a new appetite for anything created by Elizabeth Gilbert. I know her best seller, Eat Pray Love, debuted several years ago, so I'm a little late to jump on the band wagon, but I kept hearing about her more recent publication, Big Magic. Finally, I caved and ordered my own copy on Amazon. Because of my addictive personality, a little taste of something that I like will usually lead to me seeking out more, like a vampire after its had its first taste of blood, or if you'd prefer a less dark analogy, a baby who's been introduced to breastfeeding. I'm not even done with Big Magic, but I started her more famous and aforementioned work, Eat Pray Love, on Audible yesterday when I was losing steam on the treadmill and finding little entertainment in my spotify playlist. I kept my earbuds in while nursing Judah to sleep when I returned from the gym, absorbing each chapter like a sponge. And this morning, while Hunter and Judah watched the Liverpool v. Bournemouth game, I laid in bed listening to several more chapters on speaker. Today at the gym, can you guess what I listened to as I ran? Not a book by Elizabeth Gilbert, but hot dang she had a podcast! This was combining two of my most recent obsessions. The particular interview that I chose to listen to featured author and blogger Glennon Doyle. Another obsession was born today.

As I listened to their conversation, I found myself smiling and nodding and laughing. I could tell that my perspective and beliefs didn't align exactly with either of theirs, but they both made it so clear that that was alright and I was still welcome to listen in.

While on the topic of podcasts, let me share another recent experience that I had while listening in on a conversation between two ladies. Out of respect for each of them, I won't say what the name of the podcast was, both because I actually really like the general message that can be found on that show, and I simply don't want anyone who has had no affiliation or experience with something to develop a negative opinion about it based off of hearsay.

During the show, one of the women was sharing how the year of 2018 had treated her. Summed up - it was a real disappointment. Her world was shook up in more ways than one and she had been hurt and betrayed by people who she once called close friends. She ended the show basically saying this: "I'm done living for other people. I can't afford to care about other's opinions. It's my life and I only get one, so if someone has a problem with the way I live it then they can get out of it."

Ouch. But also, not so uncommon to hear these days. Remember that phase when everyone and their cousin was saying, "you do you." ? Basically meaning, "You live life the way you want, and I'll live it the way I want, and everyone will be happy."

If you believe that you have something to offer this world - something good to share - then you can't afford to buy into the idea that it's ok to not care about what other people think about you. IF, in other words, you would consider yourself to be the salt and light of the world, then not giving a hoot about what your obnoxious neighbor or the person who cut you off in traffic thinks, then you've lost your taste, and there isn't much else to be done with you apart from being thrown out and trampled underfoot.

Now who's being harsh? Guys, please understand that any and everything I share on here is being written first and foremost to ME. I'm the biggest culprit of all the faults that I discuss upon these pages. You see, I tried to not care. I tried to not give a darn what people thought, but there was a problem. I still cared. I created a world in which the only opinion that mattered was my own and as I've said before, I am neither my own biggest fan nor easy to please. I thank God every day for the patience of my husband who never stops ceasing in his efforts to make me happy.

I have not yet completely grasped the reality that I will never be pleased if I am living to please me, but I think I've caught this infectious belief early enough that I can nip it in the bud before it devours my whole way of living. Now let's get down to the meat of this post. Why should you care about what others think? Well, to be honest, it has nothing to do with you. And I actually don't want you to care about what other's think of you specifically - that is to say, you as an individual don't matter. As Rachel Hollis would say, "Other peoples opinion of you is none of your business." and she would be right! Mary Jo can think that your bright pink hair is unbecoming, but that's no concern of yours. Are you starting to scratch your head yet? What a paradox I've set up for myself here.

You should care what others think of you for THEIR sake. Mary Jo may look at you and scoff and categorize you as unprofessional and immature, but do you radiate light when you're around her? Does she hear kind or unkind words pass through your lips? The end of Elizabeth and Glennon's conversation brought around a question voiced by Liz. She asked, "Why do you do what you do? Why do you even bother to create?" to which Glennon replied, "I think I'm just really, really desperate to be known...I think I just really want to be known. I just want to be seen. I have all of these thoughts, and dreams and fears...and for whatever reason I just need people to say 'I see you'. I don't even need them to 'say I like you'." I felt my throat tighten and my eyes mist just slightly as I stood by the cubbies at the Y, putting on my winter coat. "I had somebody once who said the definition of an artist is anybody who walks through the world saying, 'Don't erase me.'..." you could hear the emotion in Doyle's voice as she cried, "Yes! Ooh. Yes."

We all want to be seen and known. And if you disagree, please check out the app, Instagram. I rest my case.

It is both tragic and beautiful that we are called to be seen and known but that we also can harm those around us if we live carelessly and thoughtlessly. If we do not care how our actions and words will effect the people in our lives, then we not only dismiss a massive opportunity to show and spread love/light, but we also open ourselves up to the possibility of becoming a vehicle through which hurt and dissension is carried.

This is the part of the post that I separate myself from the people-pleasers and the yay-sayers and the doormats in this world. It really isn't healthy just to go with the flow or do what others want just because you don't want to make waves. Sometimes its appropriate...I mean we're all adults. We should be able to tell the difference between the battles that are worth fighting and those that are not. The point I want to make is that you shouldn't care about what other people think of you because of how it reflects upon your status or importance or likability, but because of how it reflects upon the One whom you were placed on earth to represent.

That's why saying, "You do you." is one of the most hateful things you tell someone. We should care. We should be actively trying to share, insert, place, distribute and display, His love and light and truth everywhere we can. It isn't about being right or accepted. THAT is what is none of your concern. We were not placed on earth to win over people with our donations, or our weekly habit of going to church, or our sound theological backing. These all have a place but not at the forefront of our minds or conversations. We were placed on earth to do one thing, and that is reflect. If you think about it, the best mirrors aren't the movers and shakers...in fact I've never even heard one speak. The mirrors that do their job the best are the ones that sit perfectly still, clean and clear. Again, as always, my analogy is weak in a few points, but you get the idea.

I have to confess, I really care about what all of you think of me. And it isn't for the right reasons. But, I promise that as I learn to care the right way, I will do my best to think of you in the process, and let all the light and truth that I happen upon, flow through me for your benefit.