The 5 Stages of Self Realization

There are 5 stages of grief. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. I don't believe I've ever gone through the process of truly grieving, but I was reminded of it today when I noticed my right thumb on the steering wheel as I drove down the road.

That may seem like a big jump in thought processes, so let me take a half skip back. As I reflected on my thumb and its altered state (how it was altered, I will explain later on) I realized that there are stages of self realization and that, whether we know it or not, we all go through them. Do you remember when you were a kid and completely unaware of your appearance? It was a battle for mom to wipe your nose with a tissue and jelly stains on your shirt didn't bother you one iota. It seems like eons ago that I would base the style of my haircut off of how it felt on my neck. (I wore a very unflattering bob for the majority of my adolescent years because I liked the way it felt when I swished it back and forth). So I guess you could say the first stage of Self Realization is Ignorance.

Then one day, we wake up and we begin to care about how we are externally perceived. We start trying to match our clothes and wear the same shoe on each foot. Eventually we care about brushing teeth and maybe even carry tic tacs around just in case we develop bad breath. Hair styling and cuts become significant decisions, and at some point, a generous amount of our focus, effort, and bank account, gets directed toward our own selves. Perhaps we can call this stage...Awakening.

So after we are "awakened" to our own, personal status as measured by our physical appearance, style and hygiene, we can go in two different directions, becoming either proud of it, or ashamed. I personally feel as if this stage usually comes around in middle school or high school, but I'm sure its different for each person. However, despite whether we are proud of our physical appearance or not, almost every human who undergoes the process of "Awakening" will develop some sort of dissatisfaction with themselves. Some people might not like the shape of their nose, others may think they have a weird laugh, or you could just be self conscious about something as small as a freckle or birth mark. Either way, whether the insecurity is small or great, everyone typically develops a few during the "Awakening" process of Self Realization.

Now, this is all based off of my own, personal musings, so nothing I'm stating here is factual or true for everyone, but once again, in general, I think that most people become more aware of their physical selves before they start to notice their emotional, temperamental, and mental states. It's possible that there are outliers. For me though, it was closer to the end of high school and the beginning of my college years that I started to pay more attention to the way I thought, responded to my environment, and interacted with my peers. When this happens/happened, I felt as if one small discovery of a habit or personality trait would lead to another greater one which, in turn, created a rabbit trail of interweaving, convoluted, complex truths about who I was/am as a person. These rabbit trails seemed/seem never-ending and so I will dub this stage of self realization, "Investigation."

So here's where we get into the nitty gritty, and the final two stages of what I believe to be a part of the process of "self realization" and they are, Battle, and Surrender. So, remember my right thumb? I was hyper aware of it because, for four years, I'd been literally battling a small cluster of common warts that had appeared and would not go away. I did everything from the classic, over the counter medicines and topical treatments, to apple cider vinegar, oregano EO concoctions that burned like crazy. I actually at one point seriously considered chopping my thumb off because I was so annoyed by them. I quickly realized that was not a good solution, but my point is, I was driven mad by the imperfection. I had developed a habit of tucking my right thumb under the steering wheel as I drove because I couldn't stand to look at them. I ended up buying and using an entire bottle of liquid nitrogen to freeze them to death a few weeks ago. So, as I was driving down the road and admiring my wart-free thumb, I became oddly proud of my hand. I looked at it as if it was some work of art and as I did so, I realized how the imperfections that had made me so sensitive and hyper aware of my thumb, were now what made me appreciate it so much for simply what it was. A thumb. This realization brought me back to similar insecurities of the past that gave me a greater sense of gratitude for their essence once the "imperfection" was defeated. Acne, uni-brow, froggy hands, and fat cheeks, just to name a few. Some of these were removed or disappeared over time (I now, thankfully, have clear skin and have had my brows threaded) and others I just stopped caring about or am now, in fact, thankful for (my big cheeks make it easier for me to fit larger quantities of food in them. Think chipmunk).

As I considered this, it made me wonder how it could translate into the way I feel about myself as a person (regarding my character, morals, beliefs, habits, personality etc). Would I marvel the same way at my new found patience for impolite drivers the same way I admired my perfectly normal thumb? In many ways, I think we can become discouraged from working on our inner selves because the "results" may not feel quite so gratifying. It isn't always as apparent that you've become a kinder or more patient person over the last five years as is the disappearance of a pimple. Not to mention the fact that once we discover a flaw in our character, it can lead to an entire web of convoluted, interconnected baggage and issues. The battle of working on our inner selves then seems, at least to me, much more exhausting, daunting, and dare I say, unending. There never seems to be a moment in the car when you sit back and admire the normalcy/unblemishedness of who you are as a person. Working on/against or "Battling" with our personal issues therefore seems much less appealing. Maybe that's why people are so much more willing to spend money on makeup and supplements than they are on therapy.

So here we find ourselves at the final stage - that of Surrender. It seems that when we lay down our arms and finally accept the fact that we cannot get rid of all our imperfections through any form of personal effort, the real work in and on ourselves can begin. Maybe that's because we aren't as distracted by all of our good intentions and efforts? I think the biggest factor though, that dictates whether or not a person is truly able to become, not only self aware, but what they were always intended to be (with out blemish), is due primarily to whether or not humility is present. Because with out this crucial trait, we are incapable of finally admitting that we are insufficient, despite our best efforts, to grow and change completely. Humility allows us to admit, once we are self aware, not only that there is a big problem, but that we cannot fix it. Sadly, most people never seem to get past the Battling stage of self realization. This makes life a struggle and is one of the core reasons, I believe, that self deprecation, depression, and low self confidence are so prevalent. This final stage of self realization that finally ends the struggle, requires more courage and faith than any warrior going into battle could muster.

But the truly beautiful thing I think, about becoming fully realized is not merely the end of the Battle, but the bliss of being not only known, but accepted, fulfilled, and ultimately, with out blemish.

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.